Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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