all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
