ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
