Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
