i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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