I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
