From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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