before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
