I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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