kristin has been a bad kristin
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
