I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
