I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
