Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
