Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
