Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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