Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Dick very happy bro
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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