I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
