you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
