We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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