The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
