Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
