whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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