Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
