i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
