i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
