omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
There's even glitter on my cock...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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