So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
home. puking in laundry basket.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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