According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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