I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
