put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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