just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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