Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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