I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
