a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
