Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
