so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
