I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
