i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
