my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
