2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Ladies don't puke and tell
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
