don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
