It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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