I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize