Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
