When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
