Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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