That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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