but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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