the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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