New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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