the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
wow bdsm is so cute
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
