remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
