if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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