life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
