Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
