Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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