I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize