she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
