So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
