Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
