There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
porn star boner night. come get it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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