My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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