I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
